The Stoner Girls’ Guide to Writing Marx a Letter …

Dear Mr. Marx,

First of all, let me say you have a very impressive moustache! Well, I guess you are dead now … but your moustache and seemingly your theories shall live forever. So, good job on growing such fantastic facial hair. In addition to your facial hair I appreciate many of your ideas and agree with … some of your ideas. I particularly enjoyed your Communist Manifesto and your ideas about Capitalism and how it is essentially the root of much of the world’s suffering. Most importantly I agree that Capitalism is inherently exploitative and that both wealth and power is not distributed fairly within Capitalist society. Most unfortunately, I think you are also right that money and the economy make the world go round … in the weird and often unfortunate way it does.

Your majestic moustache has not made me an unquestioning fan of your work though. In particular, I am rather perturbed you dissected Capitalism and all of its exploitative and alienating features and then gave us a glimmer of hope that things will change. I feel this glimmer of hope is sort of cruel as there isn’t anything realistic that any of us seem to be able to do to change things. You wrote this stuff many years ago (no offense) and nothing has changed for the good since then. (Well, I suppose there are some Communist countries but lets ignore that whole mess.) So what was the point in writing it really? Besides torturing second year university students with your convoluted writing and lack of vice versa use?

I am just kidding. I am a Communist.

Yours truly,

Onya Ganja

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The Stoner Girls’ Guide to Max Tannone ♪

By: Onya Ganja

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I was trimming crop at a growers house the other week. (When I got a little trim on my scarf.) My buddy and I were chatting about music and he had the audacity to say “no one listens to whole albums anymore”. If people ever stop listening to whole albums, I will stamp my fucking foot and cry. Listening to one song is fine, for the first time but you gotta hear the whole album. Otherwise it is like going to a strip-club without getting a lap dance. Ya know? It is the same reason I like to date a bunch of people at the same time. Makes the ones you love stand out from the ones you like.

I have an intense need to find new songs (and more importantly whole albums) to fall in love with and listen to for days on end. The ultimate is if I find an album I end up loving for the rest of my life. After the initial zing of love in my brain has worn off, there is something that can spice up the relationship. Remixes, mash-ups, ideally an entire mixtape. They can do what my ex-gf does to me in a new dress.

I think sleeping at night is highly overrated. It is far easier to avoid full participation in mainstream society when I stay up all night for one. Sometimes I stay up all night smoking kush and downloading mixtapes. So in this year I have probably downloaded … hundreds? Out of these a few done by Max Tannone are at the top of my loving-list. I first met Max Tannone’s “MOS DUB” mixtape. It is fucking wonderful. I was worried before I listened that it might be blasphemy (since Mos Def is a God). It surpassed all my expectations. Max Tannone’s mixtapes feel good in my ears and that is all that matters to me.

From the first mixtape of Max Tannone’s I met – “Mos Dub” …

In My Math – “… 40% of Americans own a cell phone, so they can hear, everything that you say when you ain’t home …”

Kampala Truth Work – “… The girl I love don’t wear panties much and when my song comes on both her hands be up …”

From Max Tonnone’s “Dub Kweli” mixtape …

Country of Loving – ” … Raised on Rakim and Run DMC, so I thought that everybody walked this way …”

More or Less Dub – “… More marijuana, less coke …”

Last but not least, some gems from Max Tannone’s “Ghostfunk” mixtape …

The Same Girl – ” … And the Lord knows best what I’ma do to him …”

Psychedelic Woman – ” … la la la la laaaa, la la la la la la la la …”

Respect to Max Tannone, Mos Def, Talib Kweli and Ghostface. For the love of fucking music listen to every song you can find put on this world by any of these guys.

You can download Max Tannone magic here – http://www.maxtannone.com/

Toke it easy readers,

Onya Ganja

Photo on 2010-05-08 at 22.57 #4 05-36-48

Cat Cafes – Where Caffeine and Kitty Cuddles Collide

By: Onya Ganja

Whoever came up with the idea of having a cafe where you can pay to pet cats is a glorious mastermind. If I get into heaven I really hope there is a plethora of Cat Cafes there … or at least as many as there are in Japan.

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“When I come here I feel like playing with the cats and after that I like to take my time to quietly observe the cats. It makes me feel relaxed and comfortable” … how cute is that lady? Almost cuter than the cats.

Toke it easy and pat a cat!

Onya Ganja

Netflix 420 Four: Television for Halloween Edition (The X-Files, The Walking Dead, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

By: Onya Ganja

Babylon getting you down? Need to take some time for yourself to just get stoned on the couch all day, drooling with relaxation? Here are my four TV Show picks for the Halloween Season and you and your semi-concious-stoner-couch-fest!

1) The X-Files (1993-2001)

I think everyone from my generation has pretty much been scarred for life from the theme song for this series. One of the many reasons it is a favourite of mine, especially out of what is on Netflix. The terrible supporting actors just make it all the more lovable. It’s spooky, witty and ridiculous. Three fantastic attributes. I would go as far as to say it’s even a little sexy? Or at least Mulder and Scully are. This show is great to watch from the beginning but it’s a beaut because you don’t have to do that to still enjoy it. One of my fav episodes from the first season is “Squeeze” and the “Ghost in the Machine” is a Halloween episode. Purr.

2) The Walking Dead  (2010-2011)

Sometimes this show bores me so I would recommend getting turbo high for it. Maybe there just isn’t enough nudity in it for my liking or my attention span is just too short. In its defense though, and as Kevin Smith once said, it’s sort of like a never-ending Zombie movie … which is pretty fucking cool. Who doesn’t love Zombies? Cunts thats who. With two seasons on Netflix you can have a nice little fried-zombie-fest weekend, just in time for Halloween!

3) Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1955-1957)

I just watched the HBO film called “The Girl” about Hitchcock … fucking creepy shit man. He’s creepy, his work is creepy. Makes sense I guess. There might even be such thing as being too high for Hitchcock? Naw, that’s crazy talk. Just don’t take any advice from him (i.e. his cure for insomnia, found below) and if you watch too much and start to feel your mind-warp, switch to Spongebob for a little bit. On second thought, maybe Spongebob isn’t the best cure for mind-warp …

4) Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1997-2002)

Vampires and hot chicks usually make a pretty okay entertainment and this series also has some campy, witty, bloody fun involved. The cherry on top of the dead vampire in this one is, there is a lesbian relationship later on in the series! Yaahhh dykes! Although the show tried to steer clear of labels and categories. Having a female/female relationship on mainstream television is actually relatively rare and therefore very much appreciated by the gay community. Especially rare and appreciated in the horror genre. Horror is so heteronormative 😛

Toke it easy and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Onya Ganja

The Stoner Girls’ Guide to The National Women’s Show

By: Onya Ganja

I spent this past weekend helping out in the “Treating Yourself” Magazine/”People Advocating Cannabis Education” (PACE)  booth at the Nation Women’s Show in Toronto, Ontario. The other volunteers and I sat in this booth all weekend answering questions and providing information to current and prospective medical marijuana patients and their loved ones.

There will always be the odd person who walks by the booth and implodes when they see what it is about but the tide has definitely been turning in our favour over the past couple of years. More and more the majority of people young and old are supportive or at least curious of what we have to say. I think my most favourite quote ever from the Women’s Show was from a man walking by who was carrying all of his wife’s purchases. When he saw us he said in quite an exasperated tone – “you are the only booth that makes any sense”. Thanks dude, I hope carrying all your wife’s consumer bags never results in you needing medical marijuana for a bad back.

I got to spend some time outside the booth roaming the show floor. The raging feminist in me had an issue with many of the booths. Try to convince women they should devote their time and money to preparing themselves for a man much jerk booths? Assholes. Curves, wrinkles and braless tits aren’t embraced enough by our society, although no one seems to overly mind any of those things on a man. I like to make the best of things though, so here are a couple of my favourite booths.

Across from our marijuana booth there was what I thought was a sex-swing but upon further investigation I realized it was actually an apparatus for doing yoga in the air called “Flying Yogi” (http://theflyingyogi.ca/). I like yoga and dig swings so I tried it out. I thought I was going to pass out from a rush of blood to my head but the lovely ladies assured me that wouldn’t happen. Turns out I could trust them.

With some new found circulation I headed over to the Atlanta Hair Design (http://atlantahairdesign.ca/) booth, another booth full of rad women. There, the lovely stylist Ash fixed-up my Skrillex patch. Gotta dig her green hair and passion for transforming all hair!

My fixed-up Skrillex patch and the Hello Kitty pumpkin I made on one of my breaks.

Last, but not least I checked out the Oshawa Professional Firefighters show on the main-stage. Let’s just say it got a little “Magic Mike”. In a good way, even for a dyke like me. Seeing hundreds of women screaming over these guys was pretty hilarious and endearing.

When these guys weren’t dancing half-naked on stage or hauling my giant ass around they were raising money for Camp Bucko, which is a kid’s camp for burn victims. Great cause and a bunch of great  guys. You can purchase one of their calendars here – http://www.iaff465.com/index.cfm?section=16&pagenum=130.

Mr. September, you should probably take this dyke on a date – [email protected]. For real though.

Overall, the National Women’s Show isn’t the worst place in the world. It was filled a lot of cool, beautiful women, some hot firemen AND my friend bought a pretty rad marijuana fanny pack there. What more can one ask for really?

Until next time!

Toke it easy,

Onya Ganja

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